Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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