She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
