dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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