There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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