Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
