His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
