you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I am one with the molecules
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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