I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
