literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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