Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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