our cab driver is having phone sex.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
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I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
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my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize