he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Green mimosas i think yes
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.