I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it