I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.