the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i'm home, then i'll come over
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?