So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger