I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
