Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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