I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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