New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
