I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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