You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
