I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
