I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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