Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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