My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
