I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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