is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
