My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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