this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
