I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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