I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
