Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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