Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm having to shit out rocks
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