You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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