Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
