i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
