Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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