I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.