I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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