I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...