guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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