she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
