Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
