The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Sorry my hands just texted you
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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