I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
