Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
