I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Will exercising make me less horny?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
