I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
