Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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