Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
