He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
