You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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