last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
where am i from again
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
