I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
