he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
