Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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