nut hugger
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
