I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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