It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
