He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
jump out the window naked night went bad
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
