Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
