dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
