I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
