Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
wanna go halves on a baby?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
