I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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