New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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