No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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