put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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